Reason behind Pacquiao vs Mayweather failed mega bout

Schaefer: Oscar, Al and I think we should convince Floyd to agree to the fight already.

Al: Yeah Oscar. They have now agreed to let Pacquiao take the test 24 days before the fight and minutes after the fight. It won't be long til the people realize the burden is really on our side to let this fight happen.

Schaefer: I don't think we can make anymore excuses about the HGH windowing.

Oscar: Well, you gotta talk to Floyd into it. But I won't guarantee that he'll say yes.

Al: Yep, I know that.

Oscar: You know how much that guy worships his undefeated record. He wants Mathew.

Schaefer: I'll call him now anyway.

(Phone rings. Floyd answers phone)

Floyd: Yo! This is the pretty boy speaking. No. 1 pound for pound boxing champion! Undefeated! Undisputed! The cash cow of boxing! Who's this?

Schaefer: Uh, hello Floyd. This is me, Schaefer.

Floyd: Yo ma' man! What's up? Any news about Mathew?

Schaefer: None for now Floyd. Uh... listen... Pacquiao has agreed to be tested 24 days before the fight instead of 30. That leaves him no time to make the cycle since he will also be tested minutes after the fight. I don't think he'll ever get away with it in case he really has it in his sys-

Floyd: He's juiced up man! If my daddy says so then that's for sure!

Schaefer: Alright, alright... I don't think he'll be able to get away with it. Anyway, the blood test after the fight will surely show all the HGH and PED in his system so we really got nothing to lose. In case Manny beats you up, he'll still be disqualified after the fight and you'll still have your perfect record. Com'n Floyd this really really big money! Don't you want it?

Floyd: Uh... like how big?

Schaefer: (voice beaming now) Really big! Like you know how big the MGM Grand is?

Floyd: uhuh

Schaefer: That big! Even bigger!

Floyd: Really!?

Schaefer: Yes Floyd. That big. But wait! There's more! You'll surely be in the Hall Of Fame if you have another great fight in your record. You'll be recognized as one the ATG!

Floyd: What's ATG?

Schaefer: ALL TIME GREATS! Like Ali and Ray Robinson. This is the biggest fight of your career Floyd. You'll be remembered for this fa-

(Al takes the phone)

Al: Hello Floyd. Al here. Let's take this fight. We can make so much money here you know. They've already agreed to shorten the test period before the fight. We don't have any other excuses! The people know what we're doing Floyd. Stop chickening out! Fighting Ricky's brother would only degrade you more. Let's fight Pacquiao. What do you say?

Floyd: You know I can beat him Al. I can knock him out cold! He's just a one-dimensional fighter. He's a terrible boxer. He can't-

Al: Yada yada yada. So what's your answer? Is it a yes or a no?

Floyd: Uh... No.

Al: ****!

(Al gives the phone to Schaefer)

Schaefer: Com'n Floyd. Just say yes already. What more do you want? We all know you can beat him. Right? You're father thinks you can beat Pacquiao right? Right Floyd?

Floyd: Damn right he does! Dad said I'm gonna whoop Pacquiao's ***! I'm the best! Pacquiao is just another boxer they built up to beat me! He can't beat me. I haven't been knocked out before. Pacquiao's been knocked out before! He's no match against me. I'm gonna whoop his *** so bad he's gonna wish he never signed up for the fight! Yeah man! I'm undefeated. I have fought the best. And there's no fighter out there that can beat me. I'm the Pretty Boy Floyd!

Schaefer: Great Floyd! I totally agree with you. Pacquiao is gonna get the beating of his life! So does that mean you'll fight him?

Floyd: No.

Schaefer: ****!

The Pacquiao vs Mayweather is off and I'm pissed with Mayweather Jr. Anyway, this is the funniest story ever! Thanks to whoever wrote this at

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